I.

I. LYSISTRATA A man? CINESIAS Too much a man! LYSISTRATA Then be off at once. CINESIAS Who are you that thus eject me? LYSISTRATA Guard for the day. CINESIAS By all the gods, then call Myrrhine hither. LYSISTRATA So, call Myrrhine hither! Who are you? CINESIAS I am her husband Cinesias, son of Anthros. LYSISTRATA Welcome, dear friend! That glorious name of yours Is quite familiar in our ranks. Your wife Continually has it in her mouth. She cannot touch an apple or an egg But she must say, "This to Cinesias!" CINESIAS O is that true? LYSISTRATA By Aphrodite, it is. If the conversation strikes on men, your wife Cuts in with, "All are boobies by Cinesias." CINESIAS Then call her here. LYSISTRATA And what am I to get? CINESIAS This, if you want it.... See, what I have here. But not to take away. LYSISTRATA Then I'll call her. CINESIAS Be quick, be quick. All grace is wiped from life Since she went away. O sad, sad am I When there I enter on that loneliness, And wine is unvintaged of the sun's flavour. And food is tasteless. But I've put on weight. MYRRHINE (_above_) I love him O so much! but he won't have it. Don't call me down to him. CINESIAS Sweet little Myrrhine! What do you mean? Come here. MYRRHINE O no I won't. Why are you calling me? You don't want me. CINESIAS Not want you! with this week-old strength of love. MYRRHINE Farewell. CINESIAS Don't go, please don't go, Myrrhine. At least you'll hear our child. Call your mother, lad. CHILD Mummy ... mummy ... mummy! CINESIAS There now, don't you feel pity for the child? He's not been fed or washed now for six days. MYRRHINE I certainly pity him with so heartless a father. CINESIAS Come down, my sweetest, come for the child's sake. MYRRHINE A trying life it is to be a mother! I suppose I'd better go. _She comes down._ CINESIAS How much younger she looks, How fresher and how prettier! Myrrhine, Lift up your lovely face, your disdainful face; And your ankle ... let your scorn step out its worst; It only rubs me to more ardor here. MYRRHINE (_playing with the child_) You're as innocent as he's iniquitous. Let me kiss you, honey-petting, mother's darling. CINESIAS How wrong to follow other women's counsel And let loose all these throbbing voids in yourself As well as in me. Don't you go throb-throb? MYRRHINE Take away your hands. CINESIAS Everything in the house Is being ruined. MYRRHINE I don't care at all. CINESIAS The roosters are picking all your web to rags. Do you mind that? MYRRHINE Not I. CINESIAS What time we've wasted We might have drenched with Paphian laughter, flung On Aphrodite's Mysteries. O come here. MYRRHINE Not till a treaty finishes the war. CINESIAS If you must have it, then we'll get it done. MYRRHINE Do it and I'll come home. Till then I am bound. CINESIAS Well, can't your oath perhaps be got around? MYRRHINE No ... no ... still I'll not say that I don't love you. CINESIAS You love me! Then dear girl, let me also love you. MYRRHINE You must be joking. The boy's looking on. CINESIAS Here, Manes, take the child home!... There, he's gone. There's nothing in the way now. Come to the point. MYRRHINE Here in the open! In plain sight? CINESIAS In Pan's cave. A splendid place. MYRRHINE Where shall I dress my hair again Before returning to the citadel? CINESIAS You can easily primp yourself in the Clepsydra. MYRRHINE But how can I break my oath? CINESIAS Leave that to me, I'll take all risk. MYRRHINE Well, I'll make you comfortable. CINESIAS Don't worry. I'd as soon lie on the grass. MYRRHINE No, by Apollo, in spite of all your faults I won't have you lying on the nasty earth. (_From here MYRRHINE keeps on going off to fetch things._) CINESIAS Ah, how she loves me. MYRRHINE Rest there on the bench, While I arrange my clothes. O what a nuisance, I must find some cushions first. CINESIAS Why some cushions? Please don't get them! MYRRHINE What? The plain, hard wood? Never, by Artemis! That would be too vulgar. CINESIAS Open your arms! MYRRHINE No. Wait a second. CINESIAS O.... Then hurry back again. MYRRHINE Here the cushions are. Lie down while I--O dear! But what a shame, You need more pillows. CINESIAS I don't want them, dear. MYRRHINE But I do. CINESIAS Thwarted affection mine, They treat you just like Heracles at a feast With cheats of dainties, O disappointing arms! MYRRHINE Raise up your head. CINESIAS There, that's everything at last. MYRRHINE Yes, all. CINESIAS Then run to my arms, you golden girl. MYRRHINE I'm loosening my girdle now. But you've not forgotten? You're not deceiving me about the Treaty? CINESIAS No, by my life, I'm not. MYRRHINE Why, you've no blanket. CINESIAS It's not the silly blanket's warmth but yours I want. MYRRHINE Never mind. You'll soon have both. I'll come straight back. CINESIAS The woman will choke me with her coverlets. MYRRHINE Get up a moment. CINESIAS I'm up high enough. MYRRHINE Would you like me to perfume you? CINESIAS By Apollo, no! MYRRHINE By Aphrodite, I'll do it anyway. CINESIAS Lord Zeus, may she soon use up all the myrrh. MYRRHINE Stretch out your hand. Take it and rub it in. CINESIAS Hmm, it's not as fragrant as might be; that is, Not before it's smeared. It doesn't smell of kisses. MYRRHINE How silly I am: I've brought you Rhodian scents. CINESIAS It's good enough, leave it, love. MYRRHINE You must be jesting. CINESIAS Plague rack the man who first compounded scent! MYRRHINE Here, take this flask. CINESIAS I've a far better one. Don't tease me, come here, and get nothing more. MYRRHINE I'm coming.... I'm just drawing off my shoes.... You're sure you will vote for Peace? CINESIAS I'll think about it. _She runs off._ I'm dead: the woman's worn me all away. She's gone and left me with an anguished pulse. MEN Baulked in your amorous delight How melancholy is your plight. With sympathy your case I view; For I am sure it's hard on you. What human being could sustain This unforeseen domestic strain, And not a single trace Of willing women in the place! CINESIAS O Zeus, what throbbing suffering! MEN She did it all, the harlot, she With her atrocious harlotry. WOMEN Nay, rather call her darling-sweet. MEN What, sweet? She's a rude, wicked thing. CINESIAS A wicked thing, as I repeat. O Zeus, O Zeus, Canst Thou not suddenly let loose Some twirling hurricane to tear Her flapping up along the air And drop her, when she's whirled around, Here to the ground Neatly impaled upon the stake That's ready upright for her sake. _He goes out._ _Enter_ SPARTAN HERALD. _The_ MAGISTRATE _comes forward_. HERALD What here gabs the Senate an' the Prytanes? I've fetcht despatches for them. MAGISTRATE Are you a man Or a monstrosity? HERALD My scrimp-brained lad, I'm a herald, as ye see, who hae come frae Sparta Anent a Peace. MAGISTRATE Then why do you hide that lance That sticks out under your arms? HERALD. I've brought no lance. MAGISTRATE Then why do you turn aside and hold your cloak So far out from your body? Is your groin swollen With stress of travelling? HERALD By Castor, I'll swear The man is wud. MAGISTRATE Indeed, your cloak is wide, My rascal fellow. HERALD But I tell ye No! Enow o' fleering! MAGISTRATE Well, what is it then? HERALD It's my despatch cane. MAGISTRATE Of course--a Spartan cane! But speak right out. I know all this too well. Are new privations springing up in Sparta? HERALD Och, hard as could be: in lofty lusty columns Our allies stand united. We maun get Pellene. MAGISTRATE Whence has this evil come? Is it from Pan? HERALD No. Lampito first ran asklent, then the others Sprinted after her example, and blocked, the hizzies, Their wames unskaithed against our every fleech. MAGISTRATE What did you do? HERALD We are broken, and bent double, Limp like men carrying lanthorns in great winds About the city. They winna let us even Wi' lightest neif skim their primsie pretties Till we've concluded Peace-terms wi' a' Hellas. MAGISTRATE So the conspiracy is universal; This proves it. Then return to Sparta. Bid them Send envoys with full powers to treat of Peace; And I will urge the Senate here to choose Plenipotentiary ambassadors, As argument adducing this connection. HERALD I'm off. Your wisdom none could contravert. _They retire._ MEN There is no beast, no rush of fire, like woman so untamed. She calmly goes her way where even panthers would be shamed. WOMEN And yet you are fool enough, it seems, to dare to war with me, When for your faithful ally you might win me easily. MEN Never could the hate I feel for womankind grow less. WOMEN Then have your will. But I'll take pity on your nakedness. For I can see just how ridiculous you look, and so Will help you with your tunic if close up I now may go. MEN Well, that, by Zeus, is no scoundrel-deed, I frankly will admit. I only took them off myself in a scoundrel raging-fit. WOMEN Now you look sensible, and that you're men no one could doubt. If you were but good friends again, I'd take the insect out That hurts your eye. MEN Is that what's wrong? That nasty bitie thing. Please squeeze it out, and show me what it is that makes this sting. It's been paining me a long while now. WOMEN Well I'll agree to that, Although you're most unmannerly. O what a giant gnat. Here, look! It comes from marshy Tricorysus, I can tell. MEN O thank you. It was digging out a veritable well. Now that it's gone, I can't hold back my tears. See how they fall. WOMEN I'll wipe them off, bad as you are, and kiss you after all. MEN I won't be kissed. WOMEN O yes, you will. Your wishes do not matter. MEN O botheration take you all! How you cajole and flatter. A hell it is to live with you; to live without, a hell: How truly was that said. But come, these enmities let's quell. You stop from giving orders and I'll stop from doing wrong. So let's join ranks and seal our bargain with a choric song. CHORUS. Athenians, it's not our intention To sow political dissension By giving any scandal mention; But on the contrary to promote good feeling in the state By word and deed. We've had enough calamities of late. So let a man or woman but divulge They need a trifle, say, Two minas, three or four, I've purses here that bulge. There's only one condition made (Indulge my whim in this I pray)-- When Peace is signed once more, On no account am I to be repaid. And I'm making preparation For a gay select collation With some youths of reputation. I've managed to produce some soup and they're slaughtering for me A sucking-pig: its flesh should taste as tender as could be. I shall expect you at my house today. To the baths make an early visit, And bring your children along; Don't dawdle on the way. Ask no one; enter as if the place Was all your own--yours henceforth is it. If nothing chances wrong, The door will then be shut bang in your face. _The_ SPARTAN AMBASSADORS _approach_. CHORUS Here come the Spartan envoys with long, worried beards. Hail, Spartans how do you fare? Did anything new arise? SPARTANS No need for a clutter o' words. Do ye see our condition? CHORUS The situation swells to greater tension. Something will explode soon. SPARTANS It's awfu' truly. But come, let us wi' the best speed we may Scribble a Peace. CHORUS I notice that our men Like wrestlers poised for contest, hold their clothes Out from their bellies. An athlete's malady! Since exercise alone can bring relief. ATHENIANS Can anyone tell us where Lysistrata is? There is no need to describe our men's condition, It shows up plainly enough. CHORUS It's the same disease. Do you feel a jerking throbbing in the morning? ATHENIANS By Zeus, yes! In these straits, I'm racked all through. Unless Peace is soon declared, we shall be driven In the void of women to try Cleisthenes. CHORUS Be wise and cover those things with your tunics. Who knows what kind of person may perceive you? ATHENIANS By Zeus, you're right. SPARTANS By the Twa Goddesses, Indeed ye are. Let's put our tunics on. ATHENIANS Hail O my fellow-sufferers, hail Spartans. SPARTANS O hinnie darling, what a waefu' thing! If they had seen us wi' our lunging waddies! ATHENIANS Tell us then, Spartans, what has brought you here? SPARTANS We come to treat o' Peace. ATHENIANS Well spoken there! And we the same. Let us callout Lysistrata Since she alone can settle the Peace-terms. SPARTANS Callout Lysistratus too if ye don't mind. CHORUS No indeed. She hears your voices and she comes. _Enter LYSISTRATA_ Hail, Wonder of all women! Now you must be in turn Hard, shifting, clear, deceitful, noble, crafty, sweet, and stern. The foremost men of Hellas, smitten by your fascination, Have brought their tangled quarrels here for your sole arbitration. LYSISTRATA An easy task if the love's raging home-sickness Doesn't start trying out how well each other Will serve instead of us. But I'll know at once If they do. O where's that girl, Reconciliation? Bring first before me the Spartan delegates, And see you lift no rude or violent hands-- None of the churlish ways our husbands used. But lead them courteously, as women should. And if they grudge fingers, guide them by other methods, And introduce them with ready tact. The Athenians Draw by whatever offers you a grip. Now, Spartans, stay here facing me. Here you, Athenians. Both hearken to my words. I am a woman, but I'm not a fool. And what of natural intelligence I own Has been filled out with the remembered precepts My father and the city-elders taught me. First I reproach you both sides equally That when at Pylae and Olympia, At Pytho and the many other shrines That I could name, you sprinkle from one cup The altars common to all Hellenes, yet You wrack Hellenic cities, bloody Hellas With deaths of her own sons, while yonder clangs The gathering menace of barbarians. ATHENIANS We cannot hold it in much longer now. LYSISTRATA Now unto you, O Spartans, do I speak. Do you forget how your own countryman, Pericleidas, once came hither suppliant Before our altars, pale in his purple robes, Praying for an army when in Messenia Danger growled, and the Sea-god made earth quaver. Then with four thousand hoplites Cimon marched And saved all Sparta. Yet base ingrates now, You are ravaging the soil of your preservers. ATHENIANS By Zeus, they do great wrong, Lysistrata. SPARTANS Great wrong, indeed. O! What a luscious wench! LYSISTRATA And now I turn to the Athenians. Have you forgotten too how once the Spartans In days when you wore slavish tunics, came And with their spears broke a Thessalian host And all the partisans of Hippias? They alone stood by your shoulder on that day. They freed you, so that for the slave's short skirt You should wear the trailing cloak of liberty. SPARTANS I've never seen a nobler woman anywhere. ATHENIANS Nor I one with such prettily jointing hips. LYSISTRATA Now, brethren twined with mutual benefactions, Can you still war, can you suffer such disgrace? Why not be friends? What is there to prevent you? SPARTANS We're agreed, gin that we get this tempting Mole. LYSISTRATA Which one? SPARTANS That ane we've wanted to get into, O for sae lang.... Pylos, of course. ATHENIANS By Poseidon, Never! LYSISTRATA Give it up. ATHENIANS Then what will we do? We need that ticklish place united to us-- LYSISTRATA Ask for some other lurking-hole in return. ATHENIANS Then, ah, we'll choose this snug thing here, Echinus, Shall we call the nestling spot? And this backside haven, These desirable twin promontories, the Maliac, And then of course these Megarean Legs. SPARTANS Not that, O surely not that, never that. LYSISTRATA Agree! Now what are two legs more or less? ATHENIANS I want to strip at once and plough my land. SPARTANS And mine I want to fertilize at once. LYSISTRATA And so you can, when Peace is once declared. If you mean it, get your allies' heads together And come to some decision. ATHENIANS What allies? There's no distinction in our politics: We've risen as one man to this conclusion; Every ally is jumping-mad to drive it home. SPARTANS And ours the same, for sure. ATHENIANS The Carystians first! I'll bet on that. LYSISTRATA I agree with all of you. Now off, and cleanse yourselves for the Acropolis, For we invite you all in to a supper From our commissariat baskets. There at table You will pledge good behaviour and uprightness; Then each man's wife is his to hustle home. ATHENIANS Come, as quickly as possible. SPARTANS As quick as ye like. Lead on. ATHENIANS O Zeus, quick, quick, lead quickly on. _They hurry off._ CHORUS. Broidered stuffs on high I'm heaping, Fashionable cloaks and sweeping Trains, not even gold gawds keeping. Take them all, I pray you, take them all (I do not care) And deck your children--your daughter, if the Basket she's to bear. Come, everyone of you, come in and take Of this rich hoard a share. Nought's tied so skilfully But you its seal can break And plunder all you spy inside. I've laid out all that I can spare, And therefore you will see Nothing unless than I you're sharper-eyed. If lacking corn a man should be While his slaves clamour hungrily And his excessive progeny, Then I've a handfull of grain at home which is always to be had, And to which in fact a more-than-life-size loaf I'd gladly add. Then let the poor bring with them bag or sack And take this store of food. Manes, my man, I'll tell To help them all to pack Their wallets full. But O take care. I had forgotten; don't intrude, Or terrified you'll yell. My dog is hungry too, and bites--beware! Some _LOUNGERS_ from the Market with torches approach the Banqueting hall. The _PORTER_ bars their entrance. 1ST MARKET-LOUNGER Open the door. PORTER Here move along. 1ST MARKET-LOUNGER What's this? You're sitting down. Shall I singe you with my torch? That's vulgar! O I couldn't do it ... yet If it would gratify the audience, I'll mortify myself. 2ND MARKET-LOUNGER And I will too. We'll both be crude and vulgar, yes we will. PORTER Be off at once now or you'll be wailing Dirges for your hair. Get off at once, And see you don't disturb the Spartan envoys Just coming out from the splendid feast they've had. _The banqueters begin to come out._ 1ST ATHENIAN I've never known such a pleasant banquet before, And what delightful fellows the Spartans are. When we are warm with wine, how wise we grow. 2ND ATHENIAN That's only fair, since sober we're such fools: This is the advice I'd give the Athenians-- See our ambassadors are always drunk. For when we visit Sparta sober, then We're on the alert for trickery all the while So that we miss half of the things they say, And misinterpret things that were never said, And then report the muddle back to Athens. But now we're charmed with each other. They might cap With the Telamon-catch instead of the Cleitagora, And we'd applaud and praise them just the same; We're not too scrupulous in weighing words. PORTER Why, here the rascals come again to plague me. Won't you move on, you sorry loafers there! MARKET-LOUNGER Yes, by Zeus, they're already coming out. SPARTANS Now hinnie dearest, please tak' up your pipe That I may try a spring an' sing my best In honour o' the Athenians an' oursels. ATHENIANS Aye, take your pipe. By all the gods, there's nothing Could glad my heart more than to watch you dance. SPARTANS. Mnemosyne, Let thy fire storm these younkers, O tongue wi' stormy ecstasy My Muse that knows Our deeds and theirs, how when at sea Their navies swooped upon The Medes at Artemision-- Gods for their courage, did they strike Wrenching a triumph frae their foes; While at Thermopylae Leonidas' army stood: wild-boars they were like Wild-boars that wi' fierce threat Their terrible tusks whet; The sweat ran streaming down each twisted face, Faen blossoming i' strange petals o' death Panted frae mortal breath, The sweat drenched a' their bodies i' that place, For the hurly-burly o' Persians glittered more Than the sands on the shore. Come, Hunting Girl, an' hear my prayer-- You whose arrows whizz in woodlands, come an' bless This Peace we swear. Let us be fenced wi' age long amity, O let this bond stick ever firm through thee In friendly happiness. Henceforth no guilefu' perjury be seen! O hither, hither O Thou wildwood queen. LYSISTRATA Earth is delighted now, peace is the voice of earth. Spartans, sort out your wives: Athenians, yours. Let each catch hands with his wife and dance his joy, Dance out his thanks, be grateful in music, And promise reformation with his heels. ATHENIANS. O Dancers, forward. Lead out the Graces, Call Artemis out; Then her brother, the Dancer of Skies, That gracious Apollo. Invoke with a shout Dionysus out of whose eyes Breaks fire on the maenads that follow; And Zeus with his flares of quick lightning, and call, Happy Hera, Queen of all, And all the Daimons summon hither to be Witnesses of our revelry And of the noble Peace we have made, Aphrodite our aid. Io Paieon, Io, cry-- For victory, leap! Attained by me, leap! Euoi Euoi Euai Euai. SPARTANS Piper, gie us the music for a new sang. SPARTANS. Leaving again lovely lofty Taygetus Hither O Spartan Muse, hither to greet us, And wi' our choric voice to raise To Amyclean Apollo praise, And Tyndareus' gallant sons whose days Alang Eurotas' banks merrily pass, An' Athene o' the House o' Brass. Now the dance begin; Dance, making swirl your fringe o' woolly skin, While we join voices To hymn dear Sparta that rejoices I' a beautifu' sang, An' loves to see Dancers tangled beautifully; For the girls i' tumbled ranks Alang Eurotas' banks Like wanton fillies thrang, Frolicking there An' like Bacchantes shaking the wild air To comb a giddy laughter through the hair, Bacchantes that clench thyrsi as they sweep To the ecstatic leap. An' Helen, Child o' Leda, come Thou holy, nimble, gracefu' Queen, Lead thou the dance, gather thy joyous tresses up i' bands An' play like a fawn. To madden them, clap thy hands, And sing praise to the warrior goddess templed i' our lands, Her o' the House o' Brass.